Pants 0. Shit 1.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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