do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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