Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
