I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She even gives head with a lisp.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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