2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
