he was CRYING into my vagina
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
