You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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