Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
