I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
