i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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