Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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