She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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