Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
