Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
