those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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