They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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