i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
