he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You can't motorboat a personality
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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