I feel like I'm in dance class right now
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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