Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize