I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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