all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
