She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
