shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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