why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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