New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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