Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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