His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
