Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
