Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
