ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
