here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
