You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
