did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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