i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I'm really busy with my period
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