the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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