How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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