Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
