Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
