my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
