when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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