i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
