yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
