My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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