Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
