noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I believe in your delicious
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
