New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were trust falling into bushes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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