Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
