I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
