i don't like sucking hair
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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