You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
