A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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