put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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