I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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