apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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