Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my shit smells like andre
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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