Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
