glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
