dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When did angry sex become our thing?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
