Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
