walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am naked and annoyed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
