Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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