So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
