I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
