he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I would ride that face into the sunset
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
