So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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