dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
