i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
