oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
