Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
