So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
