yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
